Healing for my soul

I heard such an apt description the other day "a drop of oil on the ocean, a part but separate"

I have spent almost my whole life feeling like that. Attending Church but feeling like the odd one out, attending school but definitely feeling like the odd one out, at work and always feeling like the odd one out, I got married and still felt like the odd one out. I didn't bother going to the pub after the marriage broke down because I was sure I'd just feel like the odd one out. Just reading that back makes me want to cry for my childhood. I have no idea why I felt that way, but I did.

Last night, I played on FaceBook. At some time during the evening my eye fell on the section where friends are listed. At that point there were 133 names listed. All I could think was that all these people had accepted me as a friend because they liked me. There is something about me, something I do or did for these people that means to say they want to be associated with me; no matter how I feel about myself.

That realisation made such a difference. I matter to people, maybe only because I smiled at them at work, maybe because I wasn't rude at school, in some cases just because I was able to stop their child from crying! I went to bed happy last night.

So, if you want to meet me in the pub, just say so! I can face the world happy, because I've concluded that people like me, so it's OK to like myself.

Thanks everyone, I like you too.

What's important

This week I finally had television hooked up in my house for the first time in three years. Having lived without it that long I wondered what I would do with it, how much time I would spend watching and how it would change me.

I've discovered some very interesting things. I've discovered that I can't do without being up to date with the news at least twice a day, and if there's nothing better on I'll leave the news rolling. I've also discovered that while music channels are all very well, the programs I love best are the ones that show the goodness of man to his fellow man, inspiring everyone on to help and give hope to those without.

What's important to me, I have discovered, is not knowing the latest weather, or who has been shot, or who has gone bankrupt. It's knowing that there is still a spark of desire to give back hope, to help, to get things moving again.

Pay it forward. The idea of having had help, you give help to someone else who needs it, and then they do the same for someone else, rather than trying to repay the person who gave the help in the first place.

For those who really want to know what inspired this train of thought, it was Extreme Makeover Home Edition, originally made and broadcast by ABC. Helping people who couldn't help themselves and inspiring other people to do the same. I really can't think of a better thing to watch on a day when the week has left me limp and tired.

Giving is it's own reward. It changes the giver as well as helping the givee.

Keeping warm

It's been amusing in the last few days. I'm talking about the way this house has responded to the changing weatherover the last week.

Cat J has climbed into bed with me every night because of how cold it has been. I put a second duvet on the bed as well as wearing socks. I'm determined not to put the heating up; it's bothering me that I had to put it on at all, so it's set to about 18C; and if that's still not warm enough, more clothes and warm drinks. O and J both are less keen to go outside now. It may be due to their age as much as anything else, they used to happily go outside in all except subzero conditions. It isn't that cold, but the cats are keen to stay in.

I repaired the magnetic closer on the catflap today. O and J had managed to pull it off completely a few weeks ago, and while it was warm out that was fine, but now its getting cold (and frosty in places) its not so good.

I'll be making chicken soup later today for my lunches for the next week. I happen to particularly like it as it's filling and warning and it's half an afternoon of cooking followed by 3 minute microwaving sessions daily per portion - added to which, O and J love chicken skin! (warm house occurrence alert!)

I also need to get some laundry done in spite of the fact that there is going to be torrential rain later today and overnight. Also, I need to shuffle the living room around so that the television has a proper place to live, particularly as the people are coming from Virgin to "plumb it in" so to speak.

I'm looking out of the window while I drink my tea, and noticing the colour of the silver birches in the hedge. They are stunning, all that colour. Add the rising wind, and there is something of a blizzard of dried leaves going around outside. Musing a little here, I think I love autumn and winter better than spring and summer. The scent, the colour, the changing temperature, the challenge of dealing with the changing weather; I love it all.